Underpants Gnomes

In 1998, Comedy Central's South Park produced a documentary on the Underpants Gnomes. While it may have been a jab at the flawed business plans of the dot-com era, it was a frightening wake-up call for me. It was as if someone woke me up with a pitcher of water, and then threw me out the window to my death!

It has been 7 years since the episode ran, but only now are we discovering the underpants gnomes' hidden secrets.

The gnomes had a 3-part business plan:

1. Collect underpants
2. ???
3. Profit!

Step two, according to a very good whim, is "Use underpants to make a giant netting to hold some rich little girl and her kitten for ransom!" It's a perfect plan...AS LONG AS YOU ARE AN EVIL GNOME FROM HELL!!!!!

They also sing a song:

We Search for underpants, hey
We won't stop until we have underpants
Yum tum yummy tum hay!

The last line can be translated "Kill Jill, Kill'in Jill Hey!" Obviously, it's very disturbing.

I know you're asking yourself, "How did you find this crap out? Did you guys get to use night-vision goggles?" No, but that would have been awesome.