How to tell if your Landlord is a Gnome. From Hell.
We've had no more than a hundred people write in and ask about their various landlord-gnome related fears and complaints. We've had everything from "My landlord left the toilet seat up-is he a gnome?" to "I like exclamation points, too!!!" and of course, "Thank you for wiring funds to our Nigerian bank account, your money will arrive shortly."
A Guide: How to tell if your landlord is a hell spawned gnome:
First of all, you need not make direct contact with your landlord. That is far too dangerous. With your safety in mind, a simple property inspection is a clear indicator or gnome-related activity.
Things to watch out for when checking out a new home or apartment:
1. Strange odors near the kitchen sink. Gnomes typically use this area as their sanitary water closet. Sanitary? Anything but.
2. Check out the bedroom. Make sure it is not a direct portal to hell.
3. Do you see lawn ornaments? Run for your LIFE before you don't have one!
4. If your walls are painted with a color that looks like it would be hard pronounce, well, this is actually a good thing. Gnomes and gnome-lovers like simple, festive primary colors.
5. Mystery meat in the back of the freezer: This could be the previous tenant's remains. It could be you next.
6. Fingernails clippings under couch cushions. (They're not gnome related, but watch out)
7. "Solicitors Welcome" doormat.
8. If you happen to meet your landlord, ask if they're really, really into ceramic.
9. Call to make sure your landlord is not made of ceramic.
10. If your place comes with more cats than you can fit in a trash bag, RUN.
A Guide: How to tell if your landlord is a hell spawned gnome:
First of all, you need not make direct contact with your landlord. That is far too dangerous. With your safety in mind, a simple property inspection is a clear indicator or gnome-related activity.
Things to watch out for when checking out a new home or apartment:
1. Strange odors near the kitchen sink. Gnomes typically use this area as their sanitary water closet. Sanitary? Anything but.
2. Check out the bedroom. Make sure it is not a direct portal to hell.
3. Do you see lawn ornaments? Run for your LIFE before you don't have one!
4. If your walls are painted with a color that looks like it would be hard pronounce, well, this is actually a good thing. Gnomes and gnome-lovers like simple, festive primary colors.
5. Mystery meat in the back of the freezer: This could be the previous tenant's remains. It could be you next.
6. Fingernails clippings under couch cushions. (They're not gnome related, but watch out)
7. "Solicitors Welcome" doormat.
8. If you happen to meet your landlord, ask if they're really, really into ceramic.
9. Call to make sure your landlord is not made of ceramic.
10. If your place comes with more cats than you can fit in a trash bag, RUN.
posted by Benson at 1:42 PM
2 Comments:
oh my god, I'd better run away!!! my landlord is a gnome, i know it. hey, im writing a reasearch paper on evil lawn gnomes, any other suggestions for websites to get my info. im using this site for sure
wtf kind of school do u go to that u do reports on garden knomes. its bad ur scared of them because u will proubly see alot of them when u are forced 2 take a job cutting lawns
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