that'll teach you

The kids at Tippmann Forum have top-notch post on our ceramic enemies.

Underpants Gnomes

In 1998, Comedy Central's South Park produced a documentary on the Underpants Gnomes. While it may have been a jab at the flawed business plans of the dot-com era, it was a frightening wake-up call for me. It was as if someone woke me up with a pitcher of water, and then threw me out the window to my death!

It has been 7 years since the episode ran, but only now are we discovering the underpants gnomes' hidden secrets.

The gnomes had a 3-part business plan:

1. Collect underpants
2. ???
3. Profit!

Step two, according to a very good whim, is "Use underpants to make a giant netting to hold some rich little girl and her kitten for ransom!" It's a perfect plan...AS LONG AS YOU ARE AN EVIL GNOME FROM HELL!!!!!

They also sing a song:

We Search for underpants, hey
We won't stop until we have underpants
Yum tum yummy tum hay!

The last line can be translated "Kill Jill, Kill'in Jill Hey!" Obviously, it's very disturbing.

I know you're asking yourself, "How did you find this crap out? Did you guys get to use night-vision goggles?" No, but that would have been awesome.

the debate

We here at ggh have been informed that a debate over gnome rights and privileges, the evil that is gnomes, will be taking place at the University of Houston: Main Campus, in Houston Texas, on Feb 17 2006. How can there be any debate? I mean just look at what the gnomes did to the beautiful city of paris. Anyone who has been there knows what I am talking about.

Well, anyway, we must support the anti gnome debate. if anyone can help, let us know.

Thank you
The ggh staff

Diary of a Freedom Fighter

The good kids at The Great Absolute Nothingness share a tale of horror from the front lines of the War on Gnomes.
"They didn't take prisoners, no, they just took lives," reports the blog. "The casualties were enormous!"
The gnome infestation is obviously more serious than we first thought. Lawn ornaments my foot! Try telling that to the stupid sales clerks of Bath and Body Works. They kept saying "Lots of people like Cucumber Melon." I won't buy their suck-bad gay crap to fill my designer home-fragrance void.
"Three of the [gnomes] dropped on Tammy from above and took her out quickly. Joey stood up and let loose with his 12 gauge in to the trio after they had finished Tammy, only to be taken out by the sniper." Wow. This is getting serious.

Bushgnome 2.0 is at Large

This is true. An army of at least 5000 gnomes in the likeness of George Dubbya Bush have been distrubuted across America through a capitalistic vehicle (aka--people are BUYING Bushgnomes!). You can buy them. YOU CAN BUY THEM?! Is this insane? Yes. I'll answer you. YES!!

News from the front lines: Jay Leno can shutup. Bushgnome is already in Version 2.0 with version 3.0 and 4.0 planned. Version 5.0=Death for everybody with second helpings. It will knock the kool-aid out of you and you won't even know the color!!!

I can imagine people in the future will look back at this phenomenon in disgusted amusement (they are looking right now-we just can't see them). It's like those crazy kids in the 40's who made radioactive golf balls filled with Strontium-90 so you could find them easier with a Geiger counter (Aw, those kids). Gnomes, like the golf balls of our fore-fathers, pose unexplored dangers. Avoid gnomes and you could avoid a machete to your neck.

exoskeleton ceramic composite

So I was watching stealth today, and it turns out it is a great film. Why wasn't it nominated for any academy awards? The part when the ninja totaly does this amazing spin move. It made me want to cry. But I didn't because, come on, who cries watching a movie. But I digress, the debeers diamond mining cartel has enslaved generations of African-Africans(we try to be PC). We need to stop buying diamonds. So, Jessica, that is why I don't want to get you the ring. It isn't because I am cheap.

Thank you

the ggh staff

PS Hey Benson, do you think she bought it?

Narnia was a good freind of my Great Aunt's

If you cried at any movies with Edmond, Lucy, Peter or Susan---You probably wear meshhhh!!!! (Because I love exclamation points) (!!!!)

Thank you, my peeps,

The GGH staff!!!

Reggie Bush

Wow, I tell you what, Wow.